currently listening to: spring awakening soundboard

i just want to post something before i delve into my tle report.

there's tons of catching up to do, a lot of events i haven't reported. but i'd really rather concentrate on today's events. that might seem weird since it's only noon, but this morning has been the most eventful one this week, worthy of a blogpost.

as my trips to the dentist have been a running discussion in this blog, i shall continue. i went to the dentist this morning. it seems new, given that my last visit was six months ago. nothing really exciting happened. he took a picture of my teeth and told me to come back after another six months. ahhh, the joys of retainer land.

afterward, i decided to go to the national bookstore, approximately a block away. when i arrived it was 9:50. they open at 10. i really didn't want to stand in front of the store under the heat of the sun. so i found myself in greenhills with nothing to do. wrong! it's a shopping complex for **ck's sake! so i walked over to the promenade, with the intention of taking my business to fully booked. lo and behold, it was closed too. albeit there wasn't a lock on the door like in nbs, the "closed" sign was held up. i trudged back to the bank where my mom was at and waited until she was finished. we had a snack and went over to v-mall to go to "a different bookstore". their collection was limited so we ended up at nbs (which was open by then). lusted after catching fire for a while before moving on to other books.* got 2 new books and a magazine. they're just for leisure reading so i have something to do for the remaining days of sembreak. i'll blog about the books if they're any good. the magazine is really just for inspiration. i saw "the mortal instruments" on display and it looked promising. hmmm, next time (when i have more money saved up/when my parents feel like giving me money).

on the way home, i saw a vespa dealership. it's really cool that they sell them in the philippines now. i was introduced to the vespa by the lizzie mcguire movie and gossip girl later on (oh, zoey 101 too, although it was called...JET X!). that must mean there's a demand for italian scooters here. isn't it weird that as more filipinos get poorer everyday, there are some who get so much richer? high-end brands and boutiques are popping up everywhere. what's the deal with that?

on a shallower note, i really wouldn't mind having a vespa. it looks way cool.

well, the time has come for me to bury my nose in a book so i won't lament the fact that i have not seen a single movie since my sembreak started. and there are so many good ones out too! argh.

*i read the hunger games. awesome book. highly recommended.

currently listening to: use somebody - kings of leon

just watched panic's live concert dvd ...live in chicago. it was really good. they did most of the stuff they did on the manila concert. i bet it feels repetitive for them. (just kidding. i don't bet. haha - mrs. blanco) it's great to be able to see things up close. spencer gave a shout out to the audience which rarely happens, apparently. they packed in lots of bonus videos. i really like the tour documentary. they even greeted their fans in the philippines. i was really excited at first, that they singled us out. then i remembered that this was probably the "Philippine Edition" of the dvd. i bet they say that to all the countries. :)

their short film, "American Valley", was really random. there were these dream sequences that didn't make sense at all. what are they for? not much of a plot plus the narrator's voice was really disturbing. like he was narrating a murder story. the title of the post comes from the song ryan and jon were singing when their volkswagen broke down. it has a good tune.

we're going to my tito's place tomorrow to celebrate my grandma's birthday. i really don't want to go. i have nothing to wear! plus, there's be too much family bonding. :

things to do over the weekend:

Yahoo! updates the features part of their website daily. today, they have an article about a newly discovered painting of the composer Wolfgang Mozart. the writer of the article tells us why she cares so much that there is a new portrait of Mozart available. she says, and i quote:

Why do I care? Why do any of us long to know about the private lives of the artists whose work moves us most? The answer to this question is at once obvious and elusive: We want to know whether we have anything in common with them. Samuel Johnson, a great biographer who was himself the subject of a great biography, summed up that near-irresistible urge when he told James Boswell that "I esteem biography, as giving us what comes near to ourselves, what we can turn to use."

i guess the same can be said about my fascination with celebrities. i've been wondering lately about why i can't seem to stop watching gossip shows like "E! News" or "The Daily 10". why do i still go to websites like People.com?

the writer says that we are care about these people because we want to find out if we have anything similar to them. i guess this is true. we want to know what restaurant celebrities dine at so maybe we can check it out for ourselves. we want to know where they're buying their houses, taking their vacations, where their clothes can be bought, the designer they admire, etc. unconciously, we find oursleves wanting to live that life - the life of the beautiful, rich, and famous.

we're hooked because we want so much to be like them.

i guess this also explains why i'm not drawn to the news. i have no desire to be a politician or a social worker. i don't want to know what happens in house sessions and whatnot. it's not glamorous at all.

what do you think? does this make sense or is this complete bogus?

i don't think it's really hit anyone yet that we'll be juniors next year. the year when our grades will really matter. a year closer to leaving high school. ahhh...we'll worry about this come may :)

a lot of things have happened ever since i last posted. maybe blogging wasn't the awesome thing it once was to me. i used to blog for reasons i can understand. 1) place to vent my frustrations 2) place to express myself--show what's in my head 3) keep a record of my life. lately, the things in my life are worth recording. but it seems i don't want to remember them anymore. my friends are awesome. my family is awesome. my life is good. certain problems have arisen (?). oh...one last reason that i blogged so much before: i had tons of time. i'm not really quitting. i still consider this place my own. no one knows about it unless i tell them my url. haha. i haven't changed it since i told mikka but i doubt she'll remember it....or save that particular conversation we had on ym. i still think about blogging. its my videocam that recorded some of the highlights of my life. i guess...what i'm trying to say is...i can never quit you.

i lived in fear. no, i did not have abusive parents. even if i did, i could easily go to the phone and dial bantay bata 911. i lived in fear because of a certain PE teacher. she was quite possibly the meanest teacher i have ever had. why? simple, she hates me. she hates me for not being athletic. she hates me for not becoming an OS. and most importantly, she hates me because i answer back. let's get organized. let's focus first on the first reason i gave. to say it plainly, i suck at sports. i have no hand-eye coordination to speak of and i have two left feet. she cursed me because of this. i was horrible at volleyball, barely tolerable at basketball, and quite stiff while dancing. i hated the school for making us take up PE. i thought physical education was to keep you physically fit. not bring your grades down. which brings me to the second reason i gave. she hates me for not ever being able to be an OS. my classmates say its just tough love. i say its just tough. she told my mother that she has squeezed out all the possible resources for me to make the grade. (note: i always meet the average to become an OS but she just had to make my grade an 84) lets see...for grade one, i wasn't an OS because i was a new student and knew nothing about the morning exercises the old students did. grade 2, here she comes. i didn't become an OS. grade 3, she was my adviser...iyes, i have rotten luck. grade four, free of her at last. i become an OS. through the fifth and sixth grade she followed me...and i didn't become an OS. what does that tell us? thanks, you evil creature, for ruining my life. i hope you don't find it too hot in hell because we all know that you're a sweaty pig. this is harsh, but what can i say? she made me cry so much in front of my classmates, made me regret for so many days why i didn't do better, made me endure my mother's disapproving glances and my father's you'll-get-em-next-time pats. i hate you. i will never appreciate what you have done for me. you made me live in fear. you killed me. the saying goes "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". a part of me died. the part of me that had high hoped for PE. the part of me that knew i could do it. but i'll give you one thing though, you sure made me shut up and listen. i am so thankful that i managed to escape your clutches. because if i didn't, i wouldn't be the OS i am now today.

P.S. have i mentioned her name? good. i never ever wanna speak of her again. but i know i'll never forget her, no matter what i do.

i changed my browser from windows internet explorer to mozilla firefox. i think kuya jay just had me convinced that firefox is waaay better than internet explorer. and in some ways, it really is. i just can't see the blog properly here on mozilla. is that another reason to change it??

this morning, i had my very last violin lesson. i feel like i want to continue but i don't have an instrument. sure, i have my dad's ancient one but its so small! my wrist aches so bad after only 15 minutes of playing. should i get one? can i take my violin lessons as something i want to do other than doing it to please my parents, most especially my dad? do i want to take it seriously and get a new violin?? i want to but i feel like i'm just the most spoiled person already.

its like i'm the kid of two incredibly guilty divorced parents. which isn't the case, obviously, because divorce isn't even allowed in the philippines. it just seems that way. i think my dad buys me what i want because i hardly get to spend time with him. he takes me wherever her goes, even on errands for the funeraria (i think he has a hidden agenda, he's showing me the ropes so one day i could inherit the 'family' business and take over for him...which, in my opinion, is so far from happening). my mom buys me stuff, stuff that i need. other than that she won't give into my whims. but i have a lots of needs. and i feel it adds up. the only thing i can do to repay them is to do well in school. i think for them that just makes it all worth the money they spend on me. wow. how can pining over a violin be taken to my parent's situation?

anyway, i feel like i've said what i needed to say in this post. but i feel there's still something heavy in heart that i can't blow away with my deep breaths. what is it? do i want to elaborate on my family situation? do i want to write more about the violin lesson i had to day? do i want to fully accept the fact that there is only 5 more days left of my summer vacation? do i rant about the fact that my uniform remains unwashed and my backpack has not returned from the wash? do i guilt over my 2 grand shoes? do i express exactly how i felt during today's disastrous violin lesson? somehow asking these questions make the weight lighter. but its still there. i never really believed that people could have a heavy heart. i could never sympathize with characters in books or movies when they feel or say they have 'a heavy heart'. now i know exactly what it means...and i sympathize.