i changed my browser from windows internet explorer to mozilla firefox. i think kuya jay just had me convinced that firefox is waaay better than internet explorer. and in some ways, it really is. i just can't see the blog properly here on mozilla. is that another reason to change it??

this morning, i had my very last violin lesson. i feel like i want to continue but i don't have an instrument. sure, i have my dad's ancient one but its so small! my wrist aches so bad after only 15 minutes of playing. should i get one? can i take my violin lessons as something i want to do other than doing it to please my parents, most especially my dad? do i want to take it seriously and get a new violin?? i want to but i feel like i'm just the most spoiled person already.

its like i'm the kid of two incredibly guilty divorced parents. which isn't the case, obviously, because divorce isn't even allowed in the philippines. it just seems that way. i think my dad buys me what i want because i hardly get to spend time with him. he takes me wherever her goes, even on errands for the funeraria (i think he has a hidden agenda, he's showing me the ropes so one day i could inherit the 'family' business and take over for him...which, in my opinion, is so far from happening). my mom buys me stuff, stuff that i need. other than that she won't give into my whims. but i have a lots of needs. and i feel it adds up. the only thing i can do to repay them is to do well in school. i think for them that just makes it all worth the money they spend on me. wow. how can pining over a violin be taken to my parent's situation?

anyway, i feel like i've said what i needed to say in this post. but i feel there's still something heavy in heart that i can't blow away with my deep breaths. what is it? do i want to elaborate on my family situation? do i want to write more about the violin lesson i had to day? do i want to fully accept the fact that there is only 5 more days left of my summer vacation? do i rant about the fact that my uniform remains unwashed and my backpack has not returned from the wash? do i guilt over my 2 grand shoes? do i express exactly how i felt during today's disastrous violin lesson? somehow asking these questions make the weight lighter. but its still there. i never really believed that people could have a heavy heart. i could never sympathize with characters in books or movies when they feel or say they have 'a heavy heart'. now i know exactly what it means...and i sympathize.