as the title suggests, i have just experienced the worst mass ever.

sure, there are some which makes you just want to go lie in a coffin to sleep. there are some that are so dragging, you'd prefer the sound of nails on blackboard. but this, this one, has to be the most disgusting mass i have ever had the misfortune to sit through.

minutes before leaving the house, i already didn't want to go. while i feel this way all the time, there was something that told me to stay at home. however, when i mentioned this to my mother, she told me i should go read "The Value of the Eucharistic Celebration".

no joke. she has a copy.

btw, it's just me and my mom. gahh. do you feel the impending disaster?

we got there and found a pew in the back with just one person sitting on it. perfect. turns out we were early so the pews up front got filled up. when the priest arrived, two more people sat in our pew.

the one beside me, i've seen him there before. i found it weird that he was a bit late. he's usually there way before and he gets a seat near the front. also, he's never with anyone. like i said, weird.

the mass starts and everything's normal....until the man beside me gets the 'crazies'

during the responsorial psalm, he answers gibberish. they almost sound like short hissing sounds mixed with something else. as if that wasn't disturbing enough, he starts scratching his face and various body parts. and yes, he scratches the (dun, dun, dun, dunnnnnnnn!) crotch area! dayyyuuuummmm! what did i do to deserve this?

silver lining: it was more thigh area than anything else.

the mass goes on, much to my dismay. guess nobody heard my prayer for lightning to strike.

during the profession of faith, all that ever comes out of his mouth are these hissing sounds. seriously?! SERIOUSLY?!

then came the dreaded part. the absolute, most dreaded part of the mass: the 'our father'. i mean, C'MON! i was sorely tempted to just fake dizziness and step out. apparently, my desire to complete the mass was stronger than my desire to leave. i had to do it. i remember thinking, 'someone should remix the 'our father' into something more upbeat'. i was that desperate. i just gritted my teeth and later rather than sooner, it was over. i didn't even bother subtly wiping my right hand on my jeans. who cares? myob.

i guess that's the worst of it. i didn't want to stick around any longer than i had to. once the priest was out of sight, i ran to the exit.

at least, in my mind i did. but the crowd of people prevented me from going faster than an old lady.

i know this is a terrible mood to be in immediately after mass. you're supposed to feel regenerated and renewed after a mass. i just feel like i need to put more alcohol on my hands. or maybe just take another shower. sigh.

why, gawd, why?