i cannot believe i am so close to reaching gillian's dream which is to reach a hundred posts. its pyschotic. i only want i coz she wants it. my mistake, its called jealousy, or is it getting ahead? i'm sorry i write like this. i have someone who influences me more than i want him to. how can i not when its effing brilliant? maybe i'm just dazzled and blinded by the cleverness of it all. but i don't even understand most of it? hey, who said i did? school is hours away. i'm hungry. i just had a haircut, ignorant fool. didn't even thank the person who cut the hair. probably because he was so harsh about it. he doesn't like the owner of the hair. what does he know? what do i know about him? i probably hurt him or he probably doesn't give a **** but i can't tell the difference. i don't know him. yet i let him affect me. too bad. i am assured of a friend's loyalty but i tend to lose another. my brain is messed up. thanks a lot. i hate to love you but i love to love you. it will probably remain unfelt and go unnoticed. i spent 2 grand on shoes and my mom spent 2 grand on a week's groceries. who spent money wisely? there's that heavy heart again. i have everything ready for school but i don't feel ready to go to school. summer has been too good to me. i can't wait for next march. who says field trips are fun? you eventually have to stress about it weeks after. my sister is in a bad mood today, let her do what she wants. we'll end up giggling on the couch one day (iHope). don't mind me. i have a room to unmess and a brain to organize.